We’re officially through the interlude and Chapter 1 of our Puck Tales series and just like a novel, they’re only going to get better from here on out.
If you haven’t heard by now, we here at BarDown are giving our readers the chance to share their wackiest and most outlandish stories from all the years of playing or being involved in the game of hockey. If you have a story to share, you can find out the details on how to contact us at the bottom of this post.
In the second chapter of the series, we’re going to hear from Andrew Johnson from Ottawa, who provided us with one of the more vile stories you’ll ever hear about.
Take it away, Andrew...
“I was playing in the now-defunct Ottawa Senior Men's Hockey League (OSMHL) for a team called “The Beers” We weren't the most talented group men still chasing the dream, but we were A TEAM. From regular season to postseason, through thick and thin, we played to win.
In the playoffs, we were playing a rag-tag team of ruffians from Kemptville, Ontario, and one after another their players found their way in the penalty box for anything and everything you could imagine.
But you would have to have a crazy, off-the-wall, Pee Wee's Playhouse jamboree-type of imagination to predict what would happen next.
The penalty box was full, and the refs had had enough.
They called it.
The game was barely half over, and this team from must’ve been half in the bag. They were escorted off the ice by the refs and serenaded by a mock applause from yours truly. One player wasn't as much a fan as mine as I had assumed everyone was.
He jumped the boards, skated back onto the ice, and a scrum ensued. Players were quickly separated from each other and shortly after I found myself on the bench, sucker punched and in an Eric Daze.
One of my sweet, red, white, and blue Vic gloves were missing.
‘Ref, that SOB took my glove!’ I said.
Moments later the glove was thrown back onto the ice. The ref picked it up, handed it to me, but I knew something was askew.
I took a whiff and I was disgusted. But it's hockey equipment. What do you expect?
But then I turned it upside down and SPLAT! It was a turd.
The story had a happy ending, though.
Each team has to pay a $200 deductible at the beginning of the year (in case anyone relieves themselves in an opponent’s glove) so the league handed me a fat cheque for $200, and I bought a pair of gloves that were CERTAINLY for someone beyond my skill level.”
Okay, first off, EWW!!!
Who even remotely thinks of doing something like that in the heat of a battle? Did he go hide on the bench, undo his pants and just do his business right then and there?
Thank goodness Andrew’s natural hockey instincts didn’t kick in to immediately put his glove back on. We won’t ever know what the punishments of the poo perpetrator were, but at least Andrew was granted a new pair of mitts, even if they were a little too flashy for him.
We know there’s a ton of bacteria ingrained in hockey gear as it is, but that’s taking things to a whole other and completely foul level. While Andrew was undoubtedly disgusted that this man decided to “share” something with him, we thank Andrew for sharing this story of us.
If you’d like to have the chance to be featured in Puck Tales, please reach out to Grady.Sas@bellmedia.ca or Tekeyah.Singh@bellmedia.ca with your name, location and phone number.
***Of note: we’ll be reviewing each story and making sure they’re appropriate for our audience to read. If we feel your story is strong enough, we’ll be contacting you for the next step of the process. Only those who will be considered will be contacted.
