It’s playoff time and for players in the NHL that also means it’s time to put away the razor.
With the playoffs starting tonight, we thought we’d rank the beards going into the playoffs and we’ll continue to update them after every round of the playoffs. A lot of people (Like Nick Foligno) feel as though it’s cheating to start early, but we are not going to punish anyone for choosing the live the beard life all season long.
So going in, we’ve got a couple legendary beards. We know that as the playoffs go on, more players will emerge as contenders. On the flip side, some people will fall off, especially because some of these players will be eliminated.
When a team is eliminated from the playoffs, all players from that team will be eliminated from the rankings. We should also mention that injured players will not be eligible, but if tey come back in the first round they can return in the next iteration.
Now, to the rankings themselves. Scores will be made up of three different scores out of 10: Thickness, Length and Messiness. Thickness and Length are the obvious categories, but messiness is something specifically for playoff beards. A playoff beard is meant to be unkempt. Manicuring the beard at all takes away from the tradition, which is what makes beards like Laine and Burns’ so special.
So, without further ado, your 2018 First-Round NHL Beard Power Rankings:
Radko Gudas: Total: 18/30
Thickness: 10
Length: 4
Messiness: 4
In everyday life, Gudas might have the best beard in the league. It has unbelievable consistency and thickness that make it look like it’s a one piece attachment he attaches to his face every morning. Unfortunately, as we mentioned above, you need a little more length and messiness to reach the top of the playoff beard power rankings.
Phil Kessel: Total: 19/30
Thickness: 8
Length: 4
Messiness: 7
While he doesn’t have quite the same thickness that Gudas has, Kessel is in a pretty similar boat to his first-round competitor. We expect Kessel to be much higher in these rankings by round 2 or 3.
Jakob Voracek: Total: 20/30
Thickness: 7
Length: 6
Messiness: 7
If you’re not a Flyers fan, you might not be aware that Voracek decided to grow a mighty beard this season. It’s a well-rounded effort and we’re excited to see what he can do with it if the Flyers advance into deeper rounds.
David Savard: Total: 20/30
Thickness: 8
Length: 6
Messiness: 6
Would you believe us when we tell you Savard doesn’t even have the best beard on his team? A late-season acquisition put a ceiling on his ranking, but it deserves respect nonetheless.
Ian Cole: Total: 21/30
Thickness: 7
Length: 6
Messiness: 8
If the Blue Jackets can knock off the Capitals in the first round, Cole could have a serious shot to climb up this list.
Jake Muzzin: Total: 21/30
Thickness: 8
Length: 6
Messiness: 7
The east coast bias in the media has severally underrated Jake Muzzin’s beard.
Mathieu Perreault: Total: 22/30
Thickness: 7
Length: 7
Messiness: 8
The Winnipeg Jets have some serious beards. Joe Morrow just missed the list, but they could take over this list if they peform as well as everyone expects them to in the playoffs. Perreault should also get some bonus points for his flow, but there are no bonus points in this made up ranking system.
Patrik Laine: Total: 22/30
Thickness: 5
Length: 7
Messiness: 10
This might be one of the most controversial picks. Clearly there are a lot of people that don’t like the look of Laine’s beard, and it doesn’t have great coverage (Mainly neck), but it’s the kind of greasy beard that goes down in playoff history. Even if you don’t like the look, you can’t deny that it’s iconic.
Ryan Ellis: Total: 23/30
Thickness: 7
Length : 8
Messiness 8
This is basically what Ellis’ beard looked like at the end of the Preds’ playoff run last year, so imagine what he’ll be able to do this year when he starts with one already. This could get greasy.
Brent Burns: Total: 26/30
Thickness: 7
Length: 9
Messiness: 10
The goat. The only person that can give him a run for his money in the first round is his teammate Joe Thornton, but he is injured at the moment.
